Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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