Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
