he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
