They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
