Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
