I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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