Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize