Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
