47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
