It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
