Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
