Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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