I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
