Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
