My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
