you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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