have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
