remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I understand Curling. That high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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