its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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