Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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