If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
