I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
