I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
