Can Purell be used as lube?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
