Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
