It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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