Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
They took my balls.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
