The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
