In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
