dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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