he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
