Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think i have two assholes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
