Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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