We won't sleep together?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
