she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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