I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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