Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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