Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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