It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
