My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
