You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You did what with his pubic hair?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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