please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
