Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
