Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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