You can't motorboat a personality
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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