I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
