Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
