so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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