I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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