9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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