Kiss
Puke
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
