It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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