1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
