what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
