fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
