Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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