you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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