Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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