But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
