i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
