capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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