how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
