I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
