Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
