girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
