I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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