Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
