This girl is more easily done than said...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
this just has baby written all over it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
